03.24.09
It is odd that it has been exactly one month since my last post. I have been slow, drudging. I sit and stare at a book I do not comprehend. I have re-read the first chapter twelve times (don’t applaud: it’s only two pages). I receive brief intervals of understanding that become lost with the next sentence. It is fitting, reading a passage from the perspective of a narrator who is trying desperately to hold onto an idea, but failing until eventually falling asleep…

Anger? Anger because I have been trying to setup some means to record on my new laptop, and failing at every corner. This post could just as well have been called that, “Failure.” I succeed on small levels: scribbling notes and a half-cocked drawing:

I create my own code to try and break through the language of the chapter, but only succeed in creating new mysteries.

It stands to reason that a book filled with so much despair, loneliness, and desolation would only lead the reader down the same path. However, I am often wrong about things, and maybe I am wrong about even the mood of this chapter. It is a search for meaning.

And I am desperately trying to find meaning. In life. In music. In writing.

I would very much like to escape through some electronic tones, mixing and matching, destroying sounds and rebuilding new ones. My hands reach out. And they are slapped back.

I have had these headphones for more than ten years. I want to use them.

This post is a continuation of an ongoing project. See this post for more information.